Bryan C. Fleming

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it’s the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

When writing asp.net c# pages, you might notice that the image control will not refresh when pointing to an image on the server. The control itself will refresh the image if the file name changes, but if the picture changes (and not the filename) then you’ll always be stuck with the same old image.

I found a fix for this and wanted to post it (since it’s not so easy to find).

By passing a dynamic parameter to the back of the image URL, you’ll trick the control into thinking the filename has changed. Magically the control will start working as expected.

So if you code was:

oImage.ImageURL = “/images/picture.jpg”;

change it to:

oImage.ImageURL = “/images/picture.jpg?” + System.DateTime.Now.ToString();

You gotta love this guy…

This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it.

It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests…

After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the brides and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such alavish reception. As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyones chair, including the wedding party, was an envelope.

He said this was his gift for everyone, and asked them to open their envelope. Inside each manila envelope was an 8×10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.

After just standing there, just watching the guests reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, “F— you”. Then he turned to his bride and said, “F—you”. Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, “Im outta here.”

He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong. His revenge…making the brides parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all,trashing the brides and best mans reputations in front of 300 friends and family members. This guy has balls the size of church bells.

Do you think he might get a MasterCard “priceless” commercial out of this?

Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends …. $32,000.
Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion … $3,000.
Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui … $8,500.
The look on everyones face when they see the 8×10 glossy of the bride humping the best man……….

Priceless.

There are some things money can’t buy, for everything else theres MASTERCARD